PhD student lives with her friend and pays $200/mo for a room, but refuses to clean because she doesn't “own” the house: ‘I think living nearly rent-free should inspire some level of communal care’

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  via Getty Images (izusek)

• "AITAH for being angry that my roommate won't clean because she "doesn't own the house"?"

  "My husband and I (36F) own a large home. A few years ago, we decided we wanted to use our extra space to help young people who need financial support while finishing school.
  A year ago, "Hulda" (25F) moved in. She’s getting her PhD and is very driven. We live in a high COL area, but we let her live here practically rent-free. She insisted on paying $200/month, which we accepted, but it doesn't cover a fraction of the market rate. Another student (my niece) also lives with us and helps out with the dogs and general chores."

• "Hulda does almost zero house maintenance. She has one assigned day for dishes, which she often misses or does so poorly (loading the dishwasher incorrectly) that they have to be rerun. She cleans up her own immediate messes in the kitchen, but never touches shared maintenance like sweeping, mopping, cleaning the microwave, or taking out the trash. We sat her down to talk about "community contribution." We explained that we want the house to feel welcoming for everyone and asked her to find her own way to contribute."

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  via Getty Images (izusek)

• "Her Response? Hulda told us flat-out that she doesn't feel the need to contribute to the household upkeep because she doesn't own the house. She said that because she has no "ownership," she has no motivation to help, but added, "I'll do something if you tell me to."
  I told her I didn't want to "assign chores" like she’s a child because we are all adults, but she insisted we must tell her exactly what to do. She also argued that everyone has "different levels of cleanliness," so she shouldn't have to clean something unless I personally think it’s dirty and tell her to fix it."

• "I was visibly upset. She says she is willing to work if I just give her a list, so maybe I’m being difficult by wanting her to take "initiative" instead of just being a "boss.""

• "I feel her response was incredibly selfish. We have gone out of our way to make her feel like this is her home, not just a rental. I never remind her that we own it; I introduce her as a roommate. I even adapt childhood recipes to be vegetarian just for her and let her use my car. It hurts that I don't need "ownership" of her to care about her, but she needs "ownership" of a floor to feel like she should sweep it. I think living nearly rent-free in a supportive home should inspire some level of communal care, not a "tell me what my job is" attitude."

  via Ga_spice

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  via Getty Images (izusek)

• Individual_You_6586

  Bye, Hulda. Good luck finding a flat that doesn’t need to be cleaned. 

  Story_of_Amanda

  And that only costs $200/month

• LostMichiganian

  NTA. She needs to leave. She uses your car, lives in your house and eats your food for $200/month. Provide that to someone who actually appreciates it.

• FicklePangolin4961

  Why is she living with you if she’s only paying $200 and month and not helping to contribute to the household? Sounds like you could replace her with a better roommate easily.

• Ga_spice OP

  We were looking to share our home with young student who could use some support. We never intended on having real roommates that could contribute financially.

• FringeAardvark

  I think ultimately you are upset because you have gone out of your way to help her, and she is doing the least possible to help you. This situation will not rectify itself. She needs to go. You deserve to feel good about the people you help.

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